anthea.

on a roll

2012-02-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

love time spent with you :>

very much!!

but for now, i need to stop daydreaming

and get down to studying.

theres so much to be done :P

thank God for lessons that went well :)

also need to remind myself to invest more time in prep

instead of always requesting God to help pull a semi-impromptu stunt...

today we talked about dedicating the best of our time/energy to God instead of simply making do with the leftovers.

need to be sure to practise what i preach. mmm.

kor is so funny :D <3

your scent is the rum, the room is a bottle.

2012-02-24T11:11:00.003+08:00

my latest two earworms(:

take my hand now

2012-02-22T11:09:00.002+08:00

and run forever

i can feel the storm inside you

cannot read heart-wrenching stuff!!!!

worm's back(: but claire's flying off :(

i miss you already.

i love how with bestfriends we're always able to pick up where we left off,

even if its been a substantial period of dormancy.

"it'd be a sin to lose a friend like you" <3

happiness is a choice

2012-02-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

stop pmsing.

All In.

2012-02-21T00:10:00.002+08:00

you know you love someone

when you're fine with spilling every single secret to them.

something that suddenly came to mind from saturday's sermon.

"God never leaves, He is simply replaced."

i want to shower and sleep. nights world (:

deep emotions.

2012-02-20T10:25:00.002+08:00

we need to be humble enough.

to not crave attention/credit.

the line between serving God as a means to an end (being glorified in the limelight etc) and as an end in itself, is dangerously fine.

and i can only pray that we're all doing this for the right reasons :)

anyway i cant and wont expect anyone to fill this emotional void for me :)

i already know what works.

HERES TO A GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE RECESS WEEK AMIDST THE MADNESS :D

rain, rain, went away :)

2012-02-18T20:23:00.004+08:00

there's something about musicians that's really irresistible.

alex goot is so charming xD

today's been such a long day but i feel satisfied, and happy(:

the drive to botanical gardens was exhilarating, i got so high on like air.

and laughter.

beat 2 red lights i think :/

people need to freaking stop making me laugh when im driving

it puts all our lives at risk.

hahahahahahahaha

ALSO, STOP DISSING MY DRIVING SKILLZ IM GOOD OK.

and i need to study bye

2012-02-17T08:22:00.001+08:00

this

aint

right.

love is conditional.

2012-02-17T01:00:00.003+08:00

If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
I try to earn my way
I try to change this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this

So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
And i try to earn my way
I try to change this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this,

So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah

Ditto.

---------------------------------------

i thought my right lens went missing and i swear i nearly got a panic attack...

goodness me._.

one can only endure that many such near-death experiences in the short span of a day.

i wonder if the process of steeling a heart is reversible.

ok goodnight:)

more than a love song

2012-02-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

words are a lovely try

for something more.

loved tonight (: <3

dinner + catching up with trish always makes me feel warm&fuzzy(:

sweena flew off tonight though:( :(

early day tmr.

its gonna be a really long day too. :O

:D

2012-02-11T22:04:00.000+08:00

the way that you know me.

2012-02-10T08:42:00.002+08:00

i♥u:)

2012-02-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

wont let no one.

no one at all.

adolescence

2012-02-09T15:40:00.004+08:00

they call it the period of liminality.

&very soon i would no longer qualify!!

i cant act like a retard and get away with it blanketed by the excuse of ignorance or immaturity.

actually i wonder how often kids are genuinely ignorant of the consequences of activities they partake in.

could it be that the leeway granted to this decade or so in our lives liberate us to engage in whatever the hell we want even despite our better judgement.

perhaps its a self-perpetuating concept, since there are cultures where no length of time is 'allocated' for the possibility of wild, rash, or juvenile decisions.

the idea of adulthood seems daunting to say the least:o

Time can take its toll on the best of us

2012-02-08T06:35:00.005+08:00

(look at you, you're growing old so young)

INSOMNIAAAAAA. freaking bane of my life.

pieces of me

2012-02-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

thanks for being there(:

its amazing how you sometimes know me better than i know myself.

loveyou(:

gosh. im gonna miss you so much ><

catastrophic thought patterns

2012-02-06T09:01:00.002+08:00

why must i always do this to myself!!

its okay to risk it all. its okay to have a lot to lose.

its okay to feel vulnerable,

its all part of the deal.

stop needing a safety net.

live up to love.

can do this

i miss my darlings v much): ):

live, laugh, love

2012-02-05T20:17:00.002+08:00

today has been kind(:

and i have the best people in the universe, around me<3

masochist :O

2012-02-05T10:55:00.004+08:00

am driving myself nuts :p

need to s t o p.

yesterday was packed with stuff, which thankfully all went pretty smoothly(:

im so glad to be in a church where the youths are empowered by the support of the adults/the rest of the church community and the leaders especially :) :) <3

my insides do a little flip, and my chest clenches all the wind out of itself,

while i, the rest of me, involuntarily manifest these emotions by the result

of finding myself completely fetal, rocking back and forth

all the while wishing them away.

the worst thing about this is that these things swarm, flood, and overcome me

instantaneously, automatically.

i cant freaking help it._.

i dont see how that can even be fair to me ):

solitary moments.

2012-02-04T20:15:00.001+08:00

need to be more rational than this!!

head>heart.

always, always choose to be happy(:

:(

2012-02-03T09:47:00.003+08:00

SO MANY PRETTY DRESSES ONLINE.

WANTTTT.

i feel stifled in so many ways, for some reason.

also, am freaking tired. i resolve to no longer have such late nights!!

need to stop killing myself

2012-02-02T10:29:00.002+08:00

my life needs more structure.

i keep making absurd choices. FEEL SO DAFT.

wake up anthea wake up.

and freaking prioritize already

i'm immune to you now

2012-01-30T21:55:00.003+08:00

i remember there used to be a time when hearing this song would wring my heart like an old rag and effectively render me hopelessly vulnerable.

but no longer. its just another song now (:

"You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life"

2012-01-28T18:57:00.003+08:00

Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in out day. For most of us, the danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. Hurry will destroy your soul. It will keep you from life. Depth always comes slowly; this is simply a truth about human formation. You cannot microwave maturity.

Perhaps the most serious aspect of hurry sickness is a damaged capacity to love. For love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time. Hurry kills love. Hurry prevents us from receiving love from the Father or giving it to his children.

Hurry is not just a disordered schedule. Hurry is a disordered heart.

-GROWTH

so true.

am thankful today's lesson went pretty well- things always go well when i entrust them with God.

its like, when ive done what i can and leave the rest to Him, He really does make things work out fine at the end of the day.

Whereas at times when i assume that the matter is completely within control, even the simplest things can screw up.

i'm really excited about this year, even though its gonna be mad busy.

just need to not worry and trust that somehow itd all be good (:

my heartbeat tends to accelerate exponentially when i think of my schedule. its abit crazy as it is, and itd probably only get busier over the course of the next few months.

K BUT I REALLY MUSTNT WORRY. :)

the brother's playing Just A Kiss on the piano!!!!! :D swoons.

independence

2012-01-27T01:15:00.002+08:00

damnit anthea.

my to-do list is elongating faster than i can keep up.

how badly do i want this?? rlly need to sort my thoughts out.

they never go away

2012-01-26T17:00:00.002+08:00

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

for the first time im hearing the story behind this song.

omg its damn touchinggggg true love is very much alive :')

as iron sharpens iron?

2012-01-26T11:24:00.003+08:00

you cant be inconsistent and yet expect me to trust you.

im honestly so sick of how proficient you are at twisting and turning your words-_-

and if you get so frking defensive every time someone bothers to point out a blindspot to you, no one's gonna ever bother. and you'll be doing the same ol' shit 10 years down the road, if thats what you want.

on a happier note, i thoroughly enjoyed dinner last night with trish.

i love how sharing our musings tend to leave me feeling v saturated with love :) :)

the sem's starting to HEAT UP. work's beginning to pile up and im gonna die if i dont start being diligent in my readings.

this morning on the bus i also realized how important it is to know when to, and to be willing to part with our money.

my dad is truly awesome& im a proud daughter :) :)

we've got a lot to learn

2012-01-23T11:44:00.002+08:00

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR (:
this festive occasion has gradually lost its appeal since like a decade ago.
but its okay :) will make the best of it!!!!

we're all in purple ^^ heeheehee

note to self.

2012-01-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

angst

2012-01-22T02:50:00.001+08:00

the escapist in me just wants to freaking run away.

and not have to be answerable to anyone at all.

damn it.

remedy?

2012-01-22T02:13:00.003+08:00

and hurry too please.

doesnt help that im damn pmsy:/

i keep having this sinking feeling.

sweena's party was great nonetheless.

Truth is.

2012-01-18T10:52:00.002+08:00

sometimes the truth is ugly, maybe even hideous.

but its still the truth, plain and simple.

and building a safe bubble of isolation isnt gonna work for long.

sweena is love (: (: (: hehe.

i feel damn bad for assuming it was my brother and promptly proceeding back to my shower :(

damn touched anyway<3

kay school in abit.

im glad i found you. :)

zen

2012-01-17T13:07:00.000+08:00

i need to mug

2012-01-16T22:14:00.002+08:00

had a conversation today that really made me think.

im grateful for friends who force me to question stuff i take for granted.

and in the process offering a completely radical/refreshing perspective on stuff.

anyway im doing it again... not intentionally but even then it doesn't help at all.

siiiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhhh

WHY LIKE THAT

2012-01-16T08:42:00.000+08:00

when am i going to learn?

For once I feel wicked.

2012-01-15T02:33:00.003+08:00

Don't wish, Don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart.

"This is how you toss your hair. *toss toss* "

(Glinda) I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

loved the musical& the company (:

i wasn't expecting it to be touching but it was!

really enjoyed myself tonight:D

+ phone conversation <3

im going to bed a happy girl heehee(:

(or at least happier than normal)

2012-01-10T20:50:00.002+08:00

Mac MacGuff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Juno MacGuff: I sort of already have.

-Juno :)

i miss that movie(:

2012-01-09T10:02:00.002+08:00

"maybe you just need overwhelming love and concern to feel better"

"i can only give concern"

it helps to have such retarded friends <3 <3

today's officially the first day of school. please help me not spread germs to anyone:/

38.9

2012-01-08T21:43:00.002+08:00

HATE BEING SICK.

every time i cough, sneeze, or my head makes any slightly drastic movement,

I FEEL LIKE DYING cuz my brain just hurts like crap and id squint my eyes until the pain blows over.

need to get well in time for school tmr!!!!

2012-01-06T09:16:00.002+08:00

modules are finalized at last thank God. :)

right now all i really want to do is to go back to sleep.

caught up in your smile

2012-01-04T09:25:00.003+08:00

i'd forgotten what it feels like to be in love with someone who's in love with you.

sem2 starts in a few days' time. need to select my modules better + manage my time well this time round xD

started today well :) havent felt this peaceful in a while and im entirely to blame:/

need to stop letting myself wander off-track altogether.

loved time spent with grace yesterday as always:) :) :)

today's gonna be another bestfriends' day with claire then sweena&worm cant waittttttt(:

so grateful for the bestest bestfriends in the world i wonder how i got so lucky :'D

dinner with zah was great too. <3<3

overall really really glad to be back home(:

this year's gonna mark my 21st year of existence omg. time to wisen upppp

&introspection is key :)

2012

2012-01-02T23:31:00.002+08:00

down to the final week of vacation.

need to meet up with the people i <3!!

this year's gonna be... less haphazard :)

and happier too :)

tired as hell

2012-01-02T07:13:00.001+08:00

but at least i'm a happy girl:)

3weeks away is too damn long.

being home has revived me!!!

unintended

2011-12-27T22:28:00.005+08:00

make this feeling stopppp.

i knew this was what itd mean to love someone

but that doesnt make these things any easier to bear.

5days to home. come on, hurry up already:/

i didnt sign up for love.

2011-12-25T10:03:00.002+08:00

need to shake off this achy feeling.

maybe i should take a nap

i want to go to the swing.

merry christmas (:

2011-12-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

its okay.

i'm okay.

no longer your muse

2011-12-18T19:49:00.003+08:00

(in another life, i would make you stay)

i keep looping the one that got away :O

dont really enjoy plane rides much cuz i can hardly ever make myself comfortable enough to sleep for long.

am abit pmsy i think. making a conscious effort to not lose my head.

apart from stupid hormones i think i get jealous way too easily

which doesn't do a thing to help the situation.

i outrightly refuse to feel sour.

:) :) :)

i will make it a point to play my heart out.

poetic

2011-12-18T18:25:00.003+08:00

need to stop overthinking and enjoy myself instead.

mmmmmm :)

2011-12-17T08:50:00.002+08:00

discipline extends to your thoughts as well.

the week-long trip was fab but

i miss my besties.

someone like you(:

2011-12-10T21:53:00.002+08:00

severely sleep-deprived but the past few days/nights have been greattttt(:

my darling babysis is back from her trip, cheelets slept-over, and survivor camp (y)

i want to whine about holiday plans/flight timings but im absolutely drained of energy

gonna miss all my fabfriends while im overseas too

got a lot to say actually, maybe when i get to chiiiiiina or something.

NEED TO PACK.

那些年，我們一起追的女孩

2011-12-07T01:44:00.001+08:00

must watch this before it stops showing xD

2011-12-07T01:16:00.001+08:00

maybe its just me

brace yourself for love

2011-12-06T13:42:00.002+08:00

i get slightly irritated when lyrics are wrong :/

been rediscovering the many songs i used to be so in love with!!

and chancing upon new ones at the same time :D

my songs library desperately needs a revamp.

heehee bestfriend time tonight(:

whoa ive only like 2 proper days left in sg before chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina.

need to play till my heart's content (:

and then hopefully get to china and play somemore xD

one step closer

2011-12-06T02:39:00.002+08:00

today(or rather, yesterday) was wonderful((((:

missed claire SO MUCH.

finally finally got to catch up(:

my personal time capsule XD

i love how i never have to everrrrrr worry about being judged hahahaha♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

this morning when i had some time to idle (cuz ICA took way shorter than expected:D),

i theorized that relationships with people kinda work on the same principle of idiosyncratic credits(just like within a working group).

when it comes to tolerating rubbish we kinda give more leeway to people who have earned (gained?) our favor before. seems very much parallel to the idea of a love bank too.

loved tonight as well(: threesome time is always amazing heehee♥♥♥

i love how we never seem to ever be done talking hahaha:D

TIME FOR BED. its damn late. long day (comprising of going out!!!) again tmr heehee.

goodnight(:

Mistletoe!

2011-12-05T10:49:00.003+08:00

LOVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. esp the purple ones :DDDD

i <3 my brother heeeheee hes so much fun to be around and he totally understands me(:

and hes always freaking retarded._.

never thought id be saying this so soon but

im tired from going out so much :o

also, all my kaching has been going with the wind ITS WORRYING.

need to get down to writing christmas cards if thats gonna materialize this year hahahaha.

this is gonna be a great week heehee meet-ups and more meet-ups<3<3<3

i need to sleep more though.

latest earworm (:

cant wait to see claire:) ITS BEEN LIKE. A FREAKING LIFETIME.

i think i'll be brave, starting with you.

2011-12-04T01:39:00.003+08:00

life is good(:

loveeeeeee meeting the people i love.

some things need to go

2011-12-01T11:14:00.001+08:00

must stop harping on stupid things.

i'm irritating myself IF THATS EVEN POSSIBLE.

today's gonna be a great day (:

fall for you

2011-12-01T02:20:00.003+08:00

loved today(: spent time with a few of my favourite people in the world(:

sometimes i wish for so much

when i really ought to be content with what i've been blessed with.

freeeeeeeedom

2011-11-30T14:25:00.003+08:00

this morning's essays were shit-_-

i didnt have in-depth understand of my readings/films sooooooooo

the essays were rlly superficial :( and MESSY as well my ideas were just all over the place ><

BUT WHATEVS ITS OVER no point moping right.

just play first xD

HEHE(: (: (: (: it hasnt sunken in that exams are over yet. i still feel abit lost hahaha.

but its okay the euphoria will kick in soon enough.

btw im having the mother of ALL cramps.

OKAY BYE GRACE IS FINALLY HERE :D

♥.♥

2011-11-29T20:24:00.003+08:00

i love the way you make me feel when i'm with youuu

christmas lights are up!!!

FAVOURITE TIME OF THE YEARRRRR(:

also cannot wait for girlfriend time tmrrrrrrrrr((((((((((((:

FOLLOWED BY THREESOME TIME OMG <3<3<3

okay but for now, 2218 first.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

breathe

2011-11-28T13:52:00.005+08:00

DILEMMAS.

i dont like feeling caught in between

because having to take into account a friend's feelings means i cant be too harsh.

but at the same time i know that the advice i offer isnt exactly

what id give myself should it be me in an identical situation.

._.

"The White Man's Burden"

2011-11-27T20:07:00.003+08:00

watching webcasts for 2218 is making me realize that its actlly a fairly interesting module :P

i also like our lecturer's sense of humor :)

and i realize how arrogant and self-conceited human beings are :/

3 days 3 days 3 daysssssss

sitting my ass down for so long is taking up every single ounce of self-discipline in me

im not even kidding._.

DAMN RESTLESS ALREADY

and i cant wait for pretty nails hehehe WEDNESDAY 11AM PLEASE COME SOON PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE <3

(:

2011-11-27T01:03:00.002+08:00

matthew 6: 15

i need to be a better person.

not by my own strength thoughhhh.

must must must remember my daily bread

and let my life depend on it.

also, i wish i had all the time in the world to bask in your companyyyyyy

hehe thatd be so awesome rlly.

tmr shall be hardcore mugging day lets go nozzle 8)

old songs are love:)

2011-11-25T12:25:00.003+08:00

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna

need to stop overthinking!!

such a waste of my life.

its FRIDAY FRIDAY

2011-11-25T11:27:00.004+08:00

shall make a list of people i MUST&NEED TO spend time with before i disappear for like 3 freaking weeksss.

trish(:

worm&sweena x394839037489234

GRACEEEEEEE x8949837045839465834 also NEVER ENOUGH.

claire

huipei&jiaquan

izzah&tricia

fiona

isis

TINY&RO

pern!

shaniceeeee

katrin!!

MS CHEAK

zhixian(:

faith

i have a feeling there're more.

I CANT FREAKING WAITTTTT :D

schedule for post exam is starting to fill up :DDDDDD

((((:

yesterday was spent with the wife<3 <3 <3

BEST DAY OF MY WEEK TOO HEHEHE

havent felt so happy and retarded in a while ^^

and dinner at wild honey was yumzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

experimented with the hair curler. was hilarious hahahahahahahah

i absofreakinglutely love my bestfriends(:

WORM&SWEENA I CANT WAIT TO SEE YALL<3 <3 <3

BTW i found a freaking funny convo from years ago.

shall dig it up after my paper on wednesday xD

OKAY my email+attachments is taking forever to send out. so annoying.

ALSO, i think its irritating that people are shameless enough to self-invite. like really?

-_- subtlety is wasted on you.

need to stop being angsty BYE.

Let your love be strong.

2011-11-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

so tired and irritable:(((((((

why must you annoy me again. WHY?

incredulous.

3240 was shit this evening sigh:(

but at least im 2 essays from freedom.

mmmm my head feels like a whirlpool right now.

ily.

(:

2011-11-23T10:35:00.005+08:00

i thank God for gracepangsh<3

SORRY WAS DAMN BITCHY LAST NIGHT HAHAHA

(my threshold for people and their irritatingness (?!) plunges when im THIS stressed.

and you of all people should freaking recognize this by now-_-)

I LUFF YOU NOZZLE. (:

wanted to kill myself for two reasons yesterday.

1. my acronym METHD was for huntington's but i threw it into my parkinson's essay. champ.

should have listened to my gut feeling damnit it didnt feel right but i stubbornly went ahead:(((

2. classical criminologist cesare beccaria(1764) wasnt a sociologist in the last 100 years. FREAK FREAK FREAK.

my gpa for AY2011/12 S1 will be like. 0.4 :( sigh.

i feel like banging my head against the wall.

group dynamics later.

STUDY. BYE.

im going to die

2011-11-22T21:06:00.003+08:00

from caffeine overdose.

during dinner when dad was saying grace and he went like

"please teach anthea to know what is good for her health and teach her not to spam coffee..."

hahahah. dad<3

i hope id fall asleep tonight!!!!!!!!! throughout today i srsly drank coffee like there's no tomorrow cuz i had like 4hrs of sleep to sustain me through 2 papers :/

rawr. its so weird to abruptly transit from memorizing(biopsych) to writing artsy essays(deviance)!!!!

my essays mustve been pretty weird:( i didnt have that good feeling after i finished today:/

the kind you get after making a conceptual leap/awesome conclusion that allows you to reconcile two seemingly contradicting views etccccccccccc.

ohwell.

ive been so absolutely unprepared for finals id only have myself to blame.

on a happier note,

SERENA IS BACKKKKKKKKK.

cant wait to see you((((((((:

sunday cant come soon enough heheheh(: (: (:

in another 24hrs' i'd be left with one last paper.

IM GONNA STUDY DAMN HARD FOR IT.

i havent spent time on the readings/films all sem :/

hahaha.

will study hard(y)

i feel so tired.

and im sorry to say im rather disappointed in you.

you cant tell me sth like that and expect me not to feel angry

thats asking for too much.

im biting my tongue so i wont say anything that would disappoint them too.

but im rlly angry with you. really.

im so incoherent my brain has officially stopped functioning.

i think i need my sleep

bye blog

freaking out

2011-11-21T21:33:00.002+08:00

in 24 hours' my brain would feel so damn tired ><

but by then i'd be halfway through my papers.

i feel so majorly screwed for biopsych cuz seriously i believe i only know 1/4 of everything i ought to have mastered.

and theres hardly time to cram everything too.

GOD, HELP.

i miss you already:/

also, november, please end soon.

all kinds of deeper wonderment (:

2011-11-20T16:56:00.002+08:00

infinity

these made me smile:)

just 10 days and i'll be done.

need to make this count.

these are the nights

2011-11-18T22:12:00.002+08:00

Our bodies to hand with the Jersey shoreline
Connecting the tide to the sand that was dry
And we both laid entwined, stared at the night
Clouds overhead, but that was all right
Cause then and there, the wind in your hair
Heaven was jealous to merely look fair against you
And all I need now is this moon to keep light in its desolate skyline for good

Cause these are the nights that you know when youre there
You couldn't have planned it much better I swear and you hope
That your senses aren't failing you now, but they're slipping away

So divine is this happening
Cant I just graze your skin
For the rest of our time
But time isn't letting this night go on
Till then and there, the wind in your hair
Nothing in this world could keep me from staring at you
And all I need now is that sun to stay under its glowing horizon for good, whoaoaoa

Cause these are the nights that you know when youre there
You couldn't have planned it much better I swear and you hope
That your senses arent failing you now
And you think to yourself now I could be wrong
But I might have just stolen this scene from a song and you know
That your senses aren't failing you now

You could get lost in a night like this
So empty your thoughts and open your heart to the bliss

These are the nights that you know when youre there
You couldn't have planned it much better I swear and you hope
That your senses aren't failing you now
And you think to yourself now I could be wrong
But I might have just stolen this scene from a song and you know
That your senses aren't failing you now

Cause these are the nights, these are the nights
These are the nights, these are the nights

songs like this give me room to dream unrealistic dreams (:

its like anchoring-and-adjusting to conjure some strange and beautiful concept of romance.

i miss the days when i didnt give a shit.

when i refused to conform to everyone else's idea of how important grades were.

hehe. im not proud of it but i can say that i genuinely enjoyed myself :)

one thing i knew for certain was that there would never be another time in my life where i could have the liberty of screwing things up with no (major) consequence whatsoever.

am secretly glad i was such a rebel xD

on another note, today sucked in terms of productivity.

like really :/

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

tmr night kay (y) i'll make up for today(:

and then sunday tooooooooooooooooooooo.

CAN.DO.THIS.

fast class tmr, i need to memorize my verses hehehe

nights

my solid ground

2011-11-17T12:17:00.004+08:00

at least yesterday was a rainbow day :) :)

thanks for telling me about the rainbow or i wouldnt even have noticed.

hehe.

im so grateful for the awesome friends i have :')

"praying for you and if there is anything i can do

to make your life easier all you got to do is ask"

dear God, You always find ways to let me know im loved.

You're really closer than i sometimes think..

also, this is exactly what i need right now.

note to self

2011-11-17T07:15:00.000+08:00

GET USED TO IT.

really.

IM STRONGER THAN THIS

2011-11-16T20:20:00.001+08:00

theboyswho.tumblr.com is such a cute collection:D

mugging is D E P R E S S I N G .

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( all the frownies in the world :(

paradoxical

2011-11-14T17:40:00.005+08:00

happy/glum
thrilled/burdened

exams suck the life out of me i swear.
but i'll get through thisssssss:) :) :)
and i'll be happy as a lark before i know it!

saturday's sermon rlly was timely.

pretty in purple(:

this is seriously absolutely gorgeous.

happy birthday mommy:)

k back to my books.

rawr

just wanna see my reflection in your eyes.

2011-11-09T19:06:00.006+08:00

<3 been so long since i heard this song:)

just got off the phone with sweena.

i missed that voice so much :') i cannot cannot cannot wait for you to be homeeeeeeeeee.

youre halfway through already (: (:

we will def spend time kay dont worry!!

<33333

met someone today who told me he might wanna try attending my church. :)

we'll see how that goes!

daddy fixed up the wifi for my side before flying off. ROCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

thanks dad youre the best seriouslyY

was having a nice chat with grandma last night.

and i realized, daddy's really the man with the biggest heart that i know :D

always always putting other people before himself. WILL I EVER BE AS SELFLESS...

anyways the people around me have been absolute darlings(: FEEL DAMN LOVED :)

i need to study.

just submitted 2218 group proj. now theres 2132 report and 2218 indiv.

CAN DO THISSSSSSSSS.

just found out from my groupmates that theres no 2218 tut tmr. yay(:

if i hadnt found out id be in school 2hrs early tmr -_-

okay bye blog :)

2011-10-02T23:32:00.002+08:00

i miss you.
and this feels foreign.
its not like i dont miss people, but its different.
when it involves a guy, its always a different feeling.

and i dont like my emotions to be this vulnerable and subjected to another person's presence/proximity to me.
omg.
i really cant stand it.
D:

college life is nothing short of madness
and i am going crazy.

i need to come back to You, Lord.
been running away the past week and it feels awful.
Jesus, take the wheel.

and just like that

2011-09-19T01:09:00.002+08:00

all my walls
come
down.

something about you gets me like nobody.

again im scared.

afterall, just because you've gotten your heart broken before,
doesnt mean you wouldnt bear to do that to another, right?

life will never be perfect, and i should stop thinking there'd be a right time for love.
also need to stop being so freakin scared of getting hurt.
my fear is unbearably stifling.

time will tell, so why dont we just wait on time? :)
your smile is too cute :>

praise You in the storm.

2011-09-09T08:42:00.002+08:00

people i care about need to stop falling apart...

this feeling of fatigue needs to be addressed.

and screw studying la.
i havent studied in a week.
been so busy with everything else..
i will spend my 2hrs after meeting grace, SLEEPING.
i need my sleep so bad.

studying can wait till sunday.
i will devote the entire afternoon-evening to studying.

GOD YOU NEED TO HELP ME,
IM DROWNING HEREEEEE

also need to stop pushing people away.
sigh.

anthea needs fixing!!!

first things first,
settle cell worship and cell lesson.

everything will be fine:)

2011-09-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

just spent a large proportion of my evening reading, not my notes or my textbooks, but about the lives of people in love.
again im overwhelmed by envy, i miss having someone who means that much.
i miss having someone who feels responsible for making me laugh.

sure, the pain might be intense and at times too much to bear.
but really, stories like these remind me of how cowardly i've become.
ever too cautious.
but i've grown too comfortable here in my safe little bubble of singlehood to risk getting myself all torn up again cuz i never wanna go through hell again.
once you've walked on the burning coals that sear your soles through to your soul,
it'd take someone so much more to make you willing to even put yourself in the situation of having to brave the agony again.
if ever again, i know its gonna take so so so much.
so much of everything, especially guts.

i keep pushing people away. it doesnt feel good, but im not someone who would lead a guy into thinking he has the remotest chance when i know for a fact he doesnt.

im probably just gonna end up dying alone. with 49cats.
but i prefer dogs.

dogs it shall be :D

you had your chance, you blew it

2011-08-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

out of sight, out of mind

makes my heart beat fast

2011-08-19T11:17:00.003+08:00

at this point in time,
i feel like...
i cant get enough of you.

absolutely.need.to see you more.

tread slowly, im not at all ready to be disappointed.

your cutesy smile keeps playing in my head:) :) :)
giggleslikearetard

dont make someone your priority if you're just an option.

2011-08-16T10:31:00.002+08:00

Nuff said:)

i know you wont see this but,
stay strong my dearest girl(:
youre gonna be fine im so sure of it.
keep your chin up and dare to take chances
cuz life will only surprise you when you do.
<3

like a boomeranggg

2011-08-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

The fire was out
But then the phone rang.
And all of the heat came back again.
As much as I try
You're hard to resist
All that it takes is just one kiss

And I'm putty in your hands
I'm under your spell
You send me spinning

You pull me in close,You throw me away
I keep coming back like a boomerang.
You tell me to go,You beg me to stay.
I keep coming back like a boomerang
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again.

You're treating me like I'm your little toy
You tell me I'm not like other boys.
The next thing I know you toss me aside
You don't even bother with "Goodbye"s.

But when you say, "Hello"...I can't ignore you
You send me spinning.

You pull me in close, You throw me away
I keep coming back like a boomerang.
You tell me to go, You beg me to stay.
I keep coming back like a boomerang
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again.

Boom,Boom,Boom
And now my heart is racing
Boom,Boom,Boom
And after you I'm chasing
Boom,Boom,Boom
You got to catch me when i fall.
You send me spinning

You pull me in close,You throw me away
I keep coming back like a boomerang.
You tell me to go,You beg me to stay.
I keep coming back like a boomerang
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again.
Around, around, around and back again.

hold me now

2011-08-14T10:14:00.003+08:00

thank God for friends who care:) :) :)

heeheee its rlly funny how i never allow myself to fall too hard for any one!!!
precaution has proven helpful^^
was talking to my darling sister for hours last night:) :) rlly enjoyed catching up and confiding in her&vice versa. human interaction is essential to life, really.
sis thinks that while its safe to guard my heart the way i do, im missing out on the rush, the butterflies, that thrill that comes with letting someone in that deep, that boldly.
i think this verse from come find me encapsulates it pretty well:P

I've always been so careful with my footstep
So safe, so delicate
I let my heart lose to my head
But look at where that got me
Letting love just pass me by, Missin' out on butterflies
I wanna feel it now, so if you're out there waitin'

woohooo gonna donate blood soon:) but andrew only just woke up-_-
i love my church friends(:

i'll break my heart in two, more times than you could ever do

2011-08-12T09:20:00.003+08:00

i'm wishing it all away.

rather not think about you.
no one gets to dictate my happiness!not even you.
:)

need to prep for tonight's lesson cuz im teachingg.
dont know why i always get so scared._.
silly me.

dont come back for me, dont come back at all

2011-08-10T16:50:00.002+08:00

who do you think you are
running round leaving scars
collecting your jar of hearts
and tearing love apart

time always, always tells, doesnt it?
sigh!

don't touch the positive with the negative end
cause after all of the sparks you're still alone in the dark

i had forgotten how much i loved this song^:)

story of my life

2011-08-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

(http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com/)

hope that doesn't ever end.

2011-08-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

you would think that by the time one is 20 they wouldnt be affected by such stuff.

sadly, that isnt the case with me.

im still as silly, my temper as volatile, and still not half as zen as i'd like to be.

i'm so overly emotional i feel like killing myself sometimes.

come on anthea be mature already.

dont let your feelings override your thinking.

------------------------------------------

and my heart melts too damn easily. its ridiculous._.

i just try my darnest best not to show it but my insides have really gone all soft,

nearly aching even, and im racking my brains for some way to reciprocate somehow.

on another note, im so glad my modules have finally been settled:)

THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR GOD. 4 vacancies and i only had 300+ points, my heart was palpitating with anxiety for much of the day. and when i saw that the number of bidders going uppppp i practically lost all hope of getting my fifth module.

but thank You, things always work out when i entrust them in Your hands.

if only i remember to do that all the time, life would be so carefree.

i cant wait to see you.

but i've lost faith in shit like that after all these time that i dont even know what to think or expect.

we'll see.

heart of glass

2011-07-26T03:35:00.003+08:00

3.36am and i'm wide awake

my mind keeps racing about

you, make me falter make me crumble

i'm like putty in your hands

...

nights like these make me wanna curl up and cry.

i hate when im forced to see the mess that i actually am.

i hate that though forgiven and healed, the scars would

forever serve as a cruel reminder of my mistakes.

God im so sorry i keep running away

i dont mean to.

im coming back i am.

i'll acknowledge my issues properly

i'll sort out my priorities

this cant go on any longer

i cant keep falling off the wagon

"So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through

And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You"

bring me back to You.

2011-07-21T12:15:00.002+08:00

okay YOU. just stop it already.

talking to you makes me feel all crabby.

so scroooooo off. and you have no right to get all pissy at me. no right at all.

stayed up to watch Extraordinary People last night

and im just so fascinated and blown away by them.

especially conjoined twins Abigail and Brittany Hensel.

they are truly amazing and THE epitome of teamwork.

off to work soon. having to teach 2 lessons consecutively this sabbath is stressing me out abit.

furthermore my spiritual walk hasnt been in the best of states. ugh anthea-_-

im positive that im pmsing and that rlly sucks its lke you know it and youre aware of it and you can try to think happy thoughts/have a positive outlook on things but that doesnt mean that youre gonna be able to feel a ton better coz the freaking hormones are just THERE and they are messing with your(or my, actually) head.

ditzy girlfriend time did make me feel better last night, and some bestfriends time tonight will be good cheering up too i hope :)

i feel like a faulty good. the kind thats been rejected by the customer upon delivery and returned back to the stores? ugh i know i need to stop having these thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

you have my ♥

2011-07-19T11:29:00.002+08:00

Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

-----------------------------------------------

its weird to say this but

this song speaks my heart.

been so long since i felt anything like that for someone.

and i cant bear to put myself out there because i hate feeling vulnerable

so many what-ifs running through my mind. :(

really sad about postponing ____ :(

"BUT I WANNA PLAY WITH HIM"

"NO MEANS NO."

its k. no point fighting.

school starts in less than 3 weeks, and work ends in 9(working) days incl today.

cant waitttttttttttttttt.

dont go. i dont want you to go.

your kisses taste sweet like wine

2011-07-11T10:19:00.002+08:00

feeling SO conflicted.

driving test later todayyyyyyyyyyy, im semi freaking out! hahaha.

sigh.

am hating this tugging ache):

on a happier note,

I DECLARED MY MAJORRRRRRRRRR!!:D

finally, officially a psych student(:

i declared soci minor too! hahaha.

but that isnt sth i have to stick to, its rlly just for fun, cuz soci's rlly interesting:D

they say that dreams tell of your heart's desires,

i personally do not buy that-_-

dreams are merely jumbled and extrapolated thoughts that were drifting about in the recesses of your consciousness, or unconsciousness!

cant believe im saying this, but im kinda excited for school to start.

cant wait to learn all the super fascinating stuff that constitute psych.

sucha geek at heart B)

omgosh and i wanna read so many books!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need to make time for them.

ok b

i never...

2011-07-04T01:16:00.002+08:00

really fell in love again.

I CANT DO THIS.

with you, all i do is tether near the edge

only to scurry back to safety at any hint of gravity.

maybe you should just go away-.-

i've gotten so used to being independent that i do not foresee myself needing someone else to 'complete' me. what a cheesy line.

today's gathering in the afternoon was great, full of warmth and genuine care, yet overall there was a light-heartedness to it:)

i love you, and i'm so proud of you bestfriend:)

i thank God for placing you in my life. i dare say i wouldve grown up significantly differently if i didnt have you to mentor and guide and prompt and remind and above all, to show by example, God's love in your life by sincerely living the life of a God-loving and God-fearing christian:)

#head over heart

2011-06-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

but the truth is that we wont even try.

i was enchanted to meet you
but thats all its gonna be.

its a pity, fear wont let me cross that line.

i guess its safe to say

2011-06-11T22:50:00.001+08:00

im officially missing you.

the battle

2011-03-06T12:41:00.003+08:00

head vs heart...

i dont like the way i'm feeling :( :( :(
at all.

how long more can i resist?!
ugh ANTHEA.

midterms made me realize how much i've NOT been doing
and how much catching up i rlly have to do.
i cant be reading so many things for the first time just hours before my paper...
not anymore.
will take this lesson as a good wake up call.

im glad we're starting bible study again:)
need to get my learning back on track!

why does it rain, rain, rain
down on utopia?

break my heart for what breaks yours

2011-03-05T00:13:00.003+08:00

im so glad God has brought me through this week... relatively sane and unscathed:)
there were a few points in time i felt like i was gonna freaking explode right there and then.
praying rlly makes me feel truckloads better cuz after surrendering everything to God, im only obliged to do all i can.

and. im certain i wouldve fared much worse (while attempting to paper that is)
without DIVINE HELP.

its times of weakness and need that i realize and am reminded yet again
of how vulnerable, how pathetic and limited we human beings are..
and then i think of the awesome One who made me.
and i dont feel half as bad
:)

time for bed <3

let go and let God

2011-02-20T21:27:00.003+08:00

17th feb 2011
tgf: helping me find the cards from my wallet which i thought i'd lost.

so many upcoming exams.... :(
i really wanna thank God for the timely reminder of His promise to never forsake us.
the lesson on resilience, so aptly timed, and its too cool to be coincidental.
again im in awe of You:)
i will get back on track, and i'll surrender my life into Your Sovereign hands once again.
i'll stop trying to be in control, so please, take the wheel.

help me, and help me to help myself.
please keep the people i love safe and happy too:)

2011-02-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

just rewatched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
and i was blown away once again.

made me recall the heartache that lovers experience when they part.
that has gotta be the worst feeling ever!

today i'm grateful that my parents took me out for dinner,
and that i got to sleep at home.

ive got much to do tmr!!!
and friday.

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

HOW SAD.
okay need to stop indulging in doing nothing....... havent done shit since yesterday.
bye